in: Cows

Contemplative Cow

Contemplative Cow is formerly a world-renowned cow psychologist, therapist and the lead Cattlism researcher at the Dublin University of Agricultural Sciences.

Notable clients

Contemplative Cow studied barnyard psychology at the Dublin University of Agricultural Sciences, where he graduated with a distinction. After hsi education, he started her career as a freelance travelling cow therapist, where he built a remarkably positive reputation and a history of notable clientele.

Scooter Cow

Contemplative Cow worked with Scooter Cow to overcome the upsetting duality of her memory’s origin timelines. This psychiatric treatment is credited as the reason Scooter Cow was able to return to riding her iconic scooter after a several year hiatus. Tribute was paid to Contemplative Cow in the speech given by Scooter Cow after becoming the first non-human to perform a nine-hundred degree aerial spin, a moment which is recognised as the beginning of Contemplative Cow’s prominent positive reputation among the general public.

Blep Cow

Contemplative Cow was scouted by Blep Cow to be the resident therapist of her farm, which he controversially accepted in the hopes that he could improve the living situations for the residents. After two months on the job, Contemplative Cow abandoned the role because of how emotionally distressing it was, and disavowed the entire operation. Contemplative Cow cites such terrible living conditions for cattle at the farm that each and every one could be easily diagnosed with peri-traumatic stress disorder.

Cyber Cow

Contemplative Cow was one of several consulted by Mark Zuckerburg for the development of Cyber Cow’s reality-augmenting headset. As thanks, Cyber Cow’s owner gifted him a one percent profit share of all dairy products derived from Cyber Cow, royalties that have and are projected to continue providing for Contemplative Cow for the rest of his life, without requiring any additional income.

Dublin University of Agricultural Sciences

As a direct result of his work on Cyber Cow’s headset, Contemplative Cow was offered tenure at the Dublin University of Agricultural Sciences to lead their new Cattlism research department. Cattlists have been around for most of human history, albeit in diminishing quantity, but for the past two decades Cattlism had been seeing a sharp resurgence, exploding into near-mainstream popularity around the beginning of the twenties. Contemplative Cow accepted the position, excited to be at the forefront of a relatively new field, after being considered to have mastered his previous, with nowhere left to grow.

Retirement

Years into his job as lead Cattlism researcher at the Dublin University of Agricultural Sciences, on the verge of a large breakthrough in his work, Contemplative Cow vanished overnight while working late at the university. He had been distant from his colleagues in the lead-up to this disappearance, but concern had not been raised as it was well known that he would become deeply engrossed in his research when on the verge of significant discoveries. Days later, Contemplative Cow was found on the shore of North Bull Island, frozen in thought, staring off into the horizon over the water. Consumed by concentration, Contemplative Cow remains in that exact spot, unmoving and unresponsive to this day.

From analysing Contemplative Cow’s published research prior to his retirement, it is apparent that he was aware of Josh’s Cow Reviews and was attempting to link it to a sharp rise in Cattlists starting in late 2020, with nobody taking the endeavour very seriously due to the channel’s relative obscurity in the face of Cattlism’s popularity. Contemplative Cow’s most recent notes, focussing on the general resurgence of Cattlism in the early 2000s, have not been publicly released, but several of his co-workers have made statements claiming that the unpublished material is inconclusive as to what caused Contemplative Cow’s sudden transition to a vegetative state, with one going so far as to describe most of the notes as pure gibberish.

Appearances

In Cow Review

Contemplative Cow was featured on Cow Review in season 2 episode 3, wherein Josh expressed that staring at Contemplative Cow stare into the abyss made him think about life on a physical level. He questioned what kind of things Contemplative Cow is pondering, and why he chose this particular location and direction for which to contemplate his life decisions. All this thought caused Josh to begin feeling depressed, at which point he awarded Contemplative Cow a rating of 5/10.